Lonely Day
by But Friends Make Secrets
Summary: The aftermath of the Willow incident and Sirius' running away. oneshot, songfic. I suck at summaries! Please read! Rated for abuse, but nothing graphic.


**Finally finished! Ok, this is my first song-fic, and I'm going to be perfectly honest... I don't know what I think of it. I honestly, just don't know. WHICH MEANS I'm _really_ going to need reviews on this! I need peoples opinions cause I don't know my own. So please please Review! Oh, and the song is "Lonely Day" by System of a Down. It always reminded me of Sirius. It's a good song and I highly suggest you all listen to it even if you don't like the fic!(Although I hope you do!)  
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_Song lyrics or flashbacks._

Normal story.

**DISCLAIMER! I do not own Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling) or Lonely Day (System of a Down).

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_Such a lonely day, and it's mine_

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

He doesn't remember the train ride taking so long.

Four years. Four train rides. And he's positive it's never taken this long before.

Admittedly, the past four trips had been spent with friends, laughing and joking and enjoying each others company one last time before returning to their own lives for a few brief months. For Sirius Black, those times with his friends had been crucial to his sanity before returning to his hellish family and counting down the days till he could return to the train once more.

But now, Sirius sat alone in a compartment that he was positive had never been this big before. The loneliness was choking him, suffocating him. But he didn't bother trying to fight it. He deserved it.

_Such a lonely day, should be banned_

_It's a day that I can't stand…_

He remembers that day so clearly. The day that ruined it all. The day _he_ ruined it all. He had told his best friend's biggest and most dangerous secret and to a person who would happily use it against him if not for Dumbledor's orders. His day had been wearing him down all day. He had received another hate filled letter from him parents, automatically putting him in a bad mood. A run in with his snobby brother hadn't done anything to help it either. And then he had run into Snape. Severus "Snivillus" Snape. He hated that boy.

Their families had been friends for a long time, but the two had never gotten along. Sirius was pretty sure Snape at least had an idea of what his home life was like, simply from the taunts and insults he shot at Sirius whenever his friends weren't around. Like that day. Snape, for as little credit as he gave him, was a master at hurting people, and not just with spells. He always seemed to know exactly what to say and exactly what buttons to press to cause even the strongest to break down. And Sirius did just that.

He had stood over Snape, yelling with all his might, trying desperately to hurt him somehow as he had hurt him, to shove some of his pain on him, and the words had slipped past his lips. As soon as he realized what he said, he had slapped his hands over his mouth, but it was too late. Within moments, Snape was on his way to the Shrieking Shack and Sirius was calling James, begging him to help him fix his mistake.

James had managed to save both Snape and Remus, but it did not fix what he had done. He had tried to explain his actions (not excuse. Explain.) but they would have none of it. Remus was silent with his hurt and betrayal, James was screaming with his furry, and Peter was mumbling with his confusion of how their friend could have done such a thing. And just like that, there were three Marauders.

And Sirius didn't blame them.

Because in the end, Man Slaughter or Murder, it was still his fault.

_The most loneliest day of my life,_

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

There seemed to be a weight in his chest, crushing his lungs and heart and killing him slowly, painfully. He realized then how truly alone he was. His family had never been one and as they drew closer to the station, fear was added to the weight. Coming to Hogwarts, he had discovered a new family, one that was everything he could have ever wanted…

_Flashback_

_It was the second day of school and Sirius Black was sitting with three other Gryffindors that he had met the previous day on the train and also happened to be rooming with. Before him, was a large gold plate that should have been covered with the delicious foods of Hogwarts but was instead covered in ashes; all that was left of his mothers furry for not getting into Slytherin._

_He could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks. Many of the Gryffindors were shooting him dirty looks or glaring at him, clearly offended by much of his mother's foul vocabulary. But what could he do? He couldn't control his parents. He was to busy trying not to be controlled by them._

_But his three friends didn't glare at him. They had looks of sympathy and understanding in their eyes. Next to him, James Potter shook his head._

"_How do you live with that?"_

"_I don't." He wouldn't call it 'living'. Seeing the others' confused looks, he grinned and continued. "Life begins outside the noble house of Black." The others smiled with him and that day, he knew his life had begun._

_End Flashback_

He waited before exiting the train, not wanting to run into the others. They deserved better than his presence. He saw his parents waiting, expressions grim and serious. He walked over and the family left. No words exchanged, no greetings or welcomes or any form of affection. Such emotions were a weakness and the Blacks would not tolerate weakness.

_Such a lonely day, shouldn't exist_

_It's a day that I'll never miss…_

He entered the house, so big, so elegant, and so very, very _cold_. Some say Hell burned, but Sirius swore it froze you to the core. He went to his room and waited. He knew one of his parents would come soon to punish him for anything and everything. Like always…

_Flashback_

_Sirius black was seven-years-old. His mother had told him to go outside to play, so she wouldn't have to look at him anymore. Always so loving. He had gone out and played with another little boy who was also outside. They ran and played and acted like all little boys should, so carefree and happy. Sirius vaguely remembered being told that the little boy was a muggle. He vaguely remembered being told not to play with him, for the boy was inferior. But these thoughts were banished from his mind as he realized something. The boy looked just like him. He talked just like him. He acted just like him. He __**was**__ just like him._

_But their fun was cut short when Sirius' mother ran outside, yelling words he couldn't understand. She grabbed his arm so very tight and dragged him inside, yelling at him and shouting for his father to come downstairs. They sat him down on the kitchen table and began yelling at him, lecturing him about pure blood, and mudbloods and how being a Black meant avoiding inferior beings. And Sirius, in all his innocence, politely disagreed._

_He watched as their normally pale skin turned red with fury. They screamed at him, their words melting together into a pool of fury. He'll never be sure what exactly they said, because their words soon ceased to matter altogether. That night, his pure blood, which his parents had spoken so highly of, spilled onto the floor and coated his parents' hands. He had stared at it curiously._

_ He had half expected it to be black._

_End Flashback_

And now he was back, in a situation different yet eerily similar. His father had been standing over him, Sirius had blinked, and suddenly he was on the ground watching the door slam shut.

_Such a lonely day, and it's mine_

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

Blood was pooling around his body. He probably should have been concerned about that, but found even the effort of caring too exhausting at the moment. He could no longer deny the fact that the abuse had been getting worse. The thought popped into his head before he even realized it. _I have to get out._

And it was true, because as much as he hated himself at the time, he was pretty sure he didn't want to die. He stood slowly. Very slowly. Everything hurt and ached and left a bloody trail. After managing to stand, he looked over to his trunk which he'd never even had a chance to unpack.

He opened the lid and peered inside. He grabbed his wand and his two-way mirror. Should he call James? No. He probably wouldn't pick up anyway. He set the mirror back down. He decided not to take anything else, as it would only weigh him down, and he really couldn't care less about half of the stuff anyway.

He eased himself down the stairs, each step jolting his body and sending waves of pain from head to toe. In the blink of an eye that lasted for eternity, he was standing before the door that would lead him to freedom. He hoped. It was late and the rest of the Blacks were sound asleep, nothing standing in his way now.

He had often thought about running away before. He had imagined making a big scene, possibly throwing a curse or two, and flying off into the sunset. Or climbing out his bedroom window, his parents shouting after him, cursing him or pleading with him and him flipping them off, laughing madly. And yet here he was, finally escaping, and he was walking out the front door, no one even bothering to notice and stop him.

The door knob seemed colder than ever as he twisted it, opening the door to the outside world, the brisk air making him just a little more awake, although he wasn't aware of when he became just a little asleep.

_And if you go, I wanna go with you…_

_And if you die, I wanna die with you…_

As he walked, farther and farther away from his prison, he found himself walking closer and closer to his fear. James. What if he turned him away? He had every right too, but if he did Sirius would have no were else to go. And even if James did let him stay, who's to say his parents would want him? He felt his fears build up inside of him, pressing against his bruised stomach until he had to stop to throw up on the side of the road.

He felt so sick, and hurt and _tired_ of everything. More than anything he wanted his family back. Not the noble house of Black, but the Marauders. He wanted to go back to them and for them to forgive him, even if he didn't deserve it. He wanted them to comfort him like they used to. And he wanted a chance to prove than he had made a mistake, not a choice. He wanted to show them he was the same, that he had screwed up and deserved their punishments, but was still their friend, still needed them to hold on to.

The streets were looking more familiar. He was getting closer. His stomach twisted painfully and for a moment he thought he was going to throw up again, but managed to hold it back. He could feel himself slipping away slightly, from fear and pain and utter exhaustion. But he held on, putting one foot in front of the other until he was stand in front of the large house that for years had been his home away from Hell.

He paused and turned his head from the house to the stars. He searched briefly until he found the Sirius star. There were times he felt that star in the darkness was all he had left. Like now. But he had to try. So he lowered his head back down and began forward to the front door.

He paused again in front of the door. He wondered what time it was. Surely he would wake someone. Would that make them angry? Should he wait till morning? But he knew he couldn't. He needed to know now if that star really was all he had. So with a shaking hand, from fear or pain he could not tell, he took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

For a moment there was silence, and Sirius wondered if they were even home, but then he heard sounds of someone stumbling towards the door. He sucked in his breath again, fear gripping his heart. He watched as the door knob twisted. The door seemed to open in slow motion. And there before him stood a sleepy looking James Potter.

_Take your hand and walk away…_

James blinked, as if to make sure what he saw was really there. Sure enough, there in front of him was a beaten and broken Sirius Black. The sight was like a punch in the gut for James. He felt as if something had shifted inside of him. He knew what it was.

He had spent months in anger at his friend. He had been so overcome with his emotions that he hadn't been willing to listen to a word of what Sirius said. After awhile, even Remus, who had more a reason to be angry than James, had tried to reason with him about forgiving their friend. But he would have none of it. He had glared and yelled and thrown things, appearing for all he was worth like he hated the other boy. But that wasn't it at all. He didn't hate Sirius. He wasn't even mad at him after awhile. He was hurt. And he missed him. He tried so, so hard to hate him because then the betrayal would stop hurting. But he couldn't. And _that _had made him angry.

When had he become so attached, so dependant on the boy? He use to be known for holding grudges for years, but he could barely stay mad at Sirius for two weeks. He had been frustrated, wanting Sirius to suffer for the pain and emotional turmoil he had put James, put all of them, through. But now, seeing the hurting boy before him, he wanted nothing more than to make it stop. And deep inside him, he felt the walls of anger he had put up crumble and melt away.

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

"James…" Merlin, Sirius should never sound like that. Sirius should never sound defeated, and broken and scared like he did at that moment. James felt his throat catch.

"Oh, Sirius…" And he stepped forward and carefully wrapped his arms around him, not caring that blood was getting all over him.

Sirius seemed to sink into his embrace, not strong enough to lift his arms and hug him back, but resting his head on his shoulder, unable to hold in the sobs that were beginning to wrack his body painfully.

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

As James felt Sirius' tears soak his shoulder, mixing with his own blood, he knew he had made a mistake too. Sirius was more than his friend and he knew it. He was his brother. And brothers should never abandon each other no matter what. He could see that now as he was holding the consequence in his arms. He listed the _if only's_ in his mind: If only he'd been there, if only he'd forgiven him sooner, if only he'd invited Sirius to his house like usual. But he could only dwell on _if only's_ for a moment, as he tightened his arms around his sobbing brother.

_The most loneliest day of my life…_

His tears began to slow, as if he had run out. James was still holding him, stroking his hair and hushing him. Sirius hiccupped a little. He felt more tired than ever, but it was a different tired. He hardly noticed the pain anymore with the overwhelming feelings of warmth and protection.

Maybe it was a coinscedense, or maybe their bond as brothers connected them, but either way, they both turned their heads towards the other's ear and whispered in unison:

"I'm sorry."

_Such a lonely day, and it's mine…_

Sirius sighed as James pulled back, keeping one arm around his shoulder as he led him inside. He felt like a large weight had been lifted off his chest, allowing him to really _breath_ for the first time in months.

And as the door shut behind them, they both knew they would be alright. They had found their family.

_It's a day that I'm glad I survived.

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_**And there you have it. Again, PLEASE REVIEW! How sad is it I don't even know what to make of my own story? Help a sistah out!**


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